A Libertarian Walks Into a Bear

A Libertarian Walks Into a Bear: The Utopian Plot to Liberate an American Town (and Some Bears)

By: Matthew Hongoltz-Hetling / Narrated By: Kevin Stillwell

Length: 9 hrs and 52 mins

HiLARious because I wanted it to be; woulda cried otherwise…

The concept of A Libertarian Walks Into a Bear is funny: Journalist Matthew Hongoltz-Hetling started seeing an ooooodd correlation between small town Grafton’s growing Libertarian population and unruly bears in the area (Oh sooo rural New Hampshire). As with any good journalist, he’s soon delving into such a strange pairing… is it coincidence… or is something else honestly truly really happening there?

Soon he’s on the hunt for the reason(s) behind it all, and my goodness is it a strange and bumpy ride that is sooo funny.

The story opens with Grafton’s one and only fireman, THE fire department in full in other words, as nobody else wants anything to do with government overreach like HAVING to volunteer. This is John Babiarz, the town’s sole hero (Cuz seriously: He had the best intentions, he believed in personal responsibility, he Showed Up and cared about people and the community!). Having moved to Grafton to escape the long tentacles of taxation and government, he and his wife settled there, renovating an old school house and hoping other Libertarians would join the Free Town social experiment.

And droves of people who called themselves Libertarians flock over, each seeking independence, but most eschewing what might be known as Personal Responsibility. And oh yeah—they’re all so very fond of their caches of assault-style weaponry and stockpiles of ammunition.

And oh yeah—they do NOT want anybody to tell them that their tent cities might be attracting bears: do NOT tell us to buy bear-proof trashcans. Plus? If I wanna give the bears donuts I can.

Lemme just make it perfectly clear that Hongoltz-Hetling doesn’t even TRYYYY to make them anything less than how they represent themselves. -And- at times, he does make them more than how they represent themselves. In a car off the grid and interviewing tent town dudes? Why, one of the passengers occupants constantly interrupts the interview with ominous non sequiturs and the slap-down of firearms and ammo on the dashboard. Hmm, thinketh Hongoltz-Hetling to himself: An odd duck, and I am sooo putting this in my book.

There are plenty of tangents that go along with the history of the area that he travels down, all are entertaining as all get-out, but a wide variety of them hit no mark. But heck! he wasn’t even aiming for anything. Simple observations and compartmentalizations, categorizations that fit neatly into his They’re All Nutbags theory.

But ya know what? Sometimes, with all the verrrrry clever remarks and all the verrrry humorous observations? I wound up finding some of the inhabitants just downright adorable! Donut Lady winds up being hilarious: When asked if she ever worried about how close the bears got to her whenst she was feeding them, she simply responds with a casual: Oh, we’d just get our guns. Adding to Free Town’s woes cuz it’s her right to go against wildlife laws, but embracing her right to gun down anything that moves.

I’ve done only one other Kevin Stillwell narration thus far, and while he did a “jolly decent job” with that one? Here? Oh my! His performance added so much to my enjoyment of this book. From the opening, with Hongoltz-Hetling realizing that ANYthing said with a smile and a laugh is reasonable and acceptable, to the point where he’s thinking: Yeh, Dang Government!, all the way through to the graphic details of bear attacks, Stillwell managed it all with ease and tongue planted firmly in cheek. Enjoyable throughout, and I’m keeping m’ eye out for more of his work! Two Kevin Stillwells down, hopefully more to come.

Considering the state of our nation here in the 2020s? With people’s individual liberties TOTALLY being held up over and above the good of the rest of society? With a hateful minority creating and later upholding laws that go against the wishes of the majority? Seriously, ya wanna laugh or ya wanna cry?

Well? I preferred to listen to A Libertarian Walks Into a Bear with not quiiiiiite as muuuuch of a sense of moral indignation. Because, if you give this a Listen: No no no to toxoplasmosis being the cause of Libertarianism (Quite a stretch there, sir…), but yes yes yes to adding such much-needed humor into what often is an anger laden conversation.

-Or- is it even a conversation or is it just yelling?

Let’s turn it into a conversation, shall we? Preferably with a few chuckles and laughs thrown in…