No Happy Endings: A Memoir
Written and Narrated By: Nora McInerny
Length: 7 hrs and 58 mins
A book about sorrow, and breaking down… uhm, with a very happy ending…?
Don’t get me wrong, there’s not a danged thing wrong about happy endings, it’s just that I thought this audiobook by the Aware of the Most Woeful Ms. Nora McInerny was going to be about how grief continues, even as life does, even as we keep waking up to breathe another day. That there’s plenty of good that comes in life after we’ve survived a tragedy, or two, or three, but sorrow stays with us, and we have to learn to weave it into our days as we trundle along to smile again, to laugh again, to cry… again.
Wellllll, No Happy Endings IS kinda that book, but it’s kinda not.
Mostly, it’s about how McInerny (By the way, I’ve not read or listened to her previous books) navigated the loss of her young husband, the death of her father, the death of her unborn child, each loss coming BANG right on top of the other—All this while continuing to live and raise her young son… and to meet the new man and love of her life.
It’s about her breakdowns after the death of Aaron, and the breakdowns she shared with her soon to be husband, Matthew. She writes in a wonderfully humorous way; if you’re gonna cry, might as well get in a good laugh or two, eh? It’s alternately heartbreaking and hilarious the way she shares who she is now to Matthew, reading maudlin poetry, sobbing her brokenness, and then waiting in petrified silence for the words to come from him: Oh. My. GOD! You’re a mess, and I am running away now…!
Nope. She’s shocked and flabbergasted that not only does Matthew NOT diss her like the plague, but finds that he, with his own losses, can truly relate to her. At every point in their budding relationship, he’s positive, and supportive, and is free with words of affirmation for her. The dude, let’s face it, is fearless. He does NOT run from the woman in great pain, who is limping along, but he accepts her with a full embrace. So while I was all impressed with how courageous McInerny was to wholly show who she was, wounds and limp and all, I was TOTALLY impressed with Matthew for rocking. Altho’ I must admit, my definition for “rocking” was: Totally not being a jerk, so he fulfilled my definition with stars and points given.
I think the best part of the audiobook came when Nora, may I call her Nora, writes letters to her stepson, stepdaughter, son, and new son with Matthew. They’re about life, and love, and acceptance. They’re truly wise and wonderful words, and were I any of her children, I’d treasure words like that forever (I just dunno how I’d feel about everybody in the entire world knowing what they said cuz they were read to all and sundry in a bestselling book/audiobook).
The book ends with a Happily Ever After of a very blended family (And it’s utterly wonderful that Aaron’s family is special kin to this new blend and ragtag assortment of broken individuals!), and Nora states in an oddly quizzical way that she’s very much in love with two men now, that Aaron is still very much of life for all of them, that life will always have its shards and mayhem that we walk upon each day.
But I dunno, it sounds pretty gosh darned good to me, tho’ she takes GREAT pains to say she holds onto the sorrow and grief. She is, after all, creator of the podcast, “Terrible, Thanks for Asking” which features people who’ve had trauma and loss in their lives. It all comes across less as Resilience, and more as Just Get Used to It: Life is Gonna Poop Like Crazy on You. Which kinda moves ones awareness from appreciating that one has survived a loss and mindfully being grateful for the good in life at the moment, and shifting it to: It’s gonna happen again, be ready.
Which is an exhausting frame of mind.
But still, that’s just what I got out of Nora’s manner of telling her story, implied rather than something she pointedly says, so I could be way off on that.
All in all, however, with her warm and humorous way of narrating her own story, with its guideposts for falling apart (Yup, that person cracking their gum in the checkout line behind you is DEFinitely begging for a set down!), with all her willingness, however fearful she might be, to embrace a second chance at true love, this is a fine book, and I enjoyed listening to it.
Just, given what other reviewers said, don’t look to it for ways to navigate grief. Look at it, instead, as a way to break into a million tiny pieces then rise to wholeheartedly accept joy into life once again.
No mean feat, but dang that’s awesome!
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