The Buddhist on Death Row: How One Man Found Light in the Darkest Place
By: David Sheff / Narrated By: Michael Boatman
Length: 7 hrs and 32 mins
Listened to it twice cuz once, quite simply, was NOT enough.
I truly don’t know what it was. Maybe the state of the nation, the world, the environment? Maybe Man’s Inhumanity to God-All EVERYthing? Dunno, but I was open to ANYthing, SOME sort of perspective shift, and I chose The Buddhist on Death Row by author David Sheff for our little audiobook club. ‘Twas my turn, and GOD was I desperate.
Gobsmacked.
Yes, one can listen to this and can be triggered by the perpetual injustice, of the (Continuing/ConTINual) evil of mass incarceration, of a misguided (Now THERE’S a truly generous term for it) rule of law that is not applied evenly, that White-Collar crime can leave thousands, hundreds of thousands destitute but not be punished whereas those of a certain skin color or of limited means are left without hope, futures, simply are left to rot.
Yup, this CAN get you in that place.
But what I got from it? Oh my, I got that we as individuals, as Souls, are INFINITE. No, I’m not speaking of Reincarnation, I’m speaking of the line for Jarvis Jay Masters that clicked for him as he truly started seeing the peace found during early attempts at meditation: “Free Your Mind… and Your Ass Will Follow”. Now, this is from a “Funkadelic” song, and I found that originally George Clinton said it was from an attempt to see if the band could cut a complete album whilst tripping on acid… so there’s that…
-BUT- what Jarvis found, what I felt with such power, is that incredible Liberation from external circumstances is possible. Born into the cruelty of poverty, suffering severe abuse and seeing what no child should see, experiencing what no child should experience but which is part and parcel the reality for far too much of those who fall through the cracks, who live in the abyss, Jarvis was failed miserably by society. Loving an addicted mother who was unable to care for her children, Jarvis was further failed by the Foster System (Except for one exceedingly loving couple who couldn’t care for him after an illness hit them), and then his hopelessness, his behavior and choices landed him in the juvenile justice system. There, “Counselors” would beat the boys, force them to fight with each other, would take bets on which boy would let a cigarette burn on them the longest. This COULD be a DEVastating Listen.
It’s not, at least it wasn’t for me. Imprisoned at age 19, he became embroiled in a militant Black group who murdered a guard, and tho’ Jarvis wasn’t involved? Well, he kept the group’s code of silence and was sentenced to Death, even tho’ the actual murderers received Life In Prison. This left him even harder than he was before, even more angry. A random conversation with a woman who’d been gathering information from him about his past had her sharing her own life story, and she later shared what had been helping her deal with strong emotions: Meditation. Closing eyes, and just breathing, monitoring breath, bringing his focus back to breathing when his mind starts to wander.
Jarvis is enraged: Closing eyes will get him killed, and doesn’t she realize where he is? Just breathing? You’ve GOT to be kidding. But she perseveres, gets him to try five minutes. He’s on Death Row. Seriously, what the hell does he have to lose?
What I loved was just how slow the process is, how methodical one must be. As Jarvis continues, as he finds solace and freedom even within the walls of San Quentin, he even feels that he’s in such a good place to deal with the suffering of others: More than a century of pain permeates the walls, the floors, of the prison; he does NOT need a special Yoga/Meditation cushion to get in touch with basic teachings. He becomes one with himself as well.
Through this aMAZing journey of his, I just found soooo much of who I myself wish to be: I’d love to be the person who can shake off rage, worry, and instead see the beauty of a leaf as it catches the sun, even as those around me might be raging against the world. I’d love to be able to feel the crushing devastation of loss and instead do as Jarvis does when the Appeals process delivers blow after blow: Notice that I, p’raps, can feel grass under my feet as Jarvis does for a full 3-steps before being yanked back onto concrete—the first grass he’s felt in over 30-years.
Life is hard, we’re all fellow sufferers on this road. The trick is to see that others are in the same boat, no matter how hard they jerk us around or are not the people we want them to be. I do NOT know how Jarvis found the courage to just let in that first concept, to let go of aaaalll the limitations of his reality, to give soul a chance when there was so much pain and anger and hopelessness that had every right to be felt. But his openness, how he reached out, how he responded to letters from others, is just beautiful. Beyond belief.
My only quibble is that, tho’ I’ve enjoyed narrator Michael Boatman before (His quirky vocal gyrations in The Good Lord Bird were about THAT abysmal story’s only saving grace), here he does falter a bit. When Jarvis receives guidance, the lessons from each and every teacher, no matter the gender, are performed in a rather high-pitched, singsong fashion. Dude, that’s just wrong! What? The MAGnificent Kevin R. Free wasn’t available?! THAT man does wisdom in the face of brutality soooo much better… just saying…
Jarvis is still on Death Row; he’s a writer, his best friend and mother figure is Pema Chödrön, and he teaches without preaching, he inspires by Being, he continues to study and to Walk the Path.
Could this be depressing? Yessss, if you only look at the shell. But if you look at the whole, if you see and listen with your heart, with your Soul?
I’m open. Let it all in…
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