Mrs Queen Takes the Train

By: William Kuhn / Narrated By: Simon Prebble

Length: 9 hrs and 33 mins

Feels like eons before it really gets going, but then? Oh, quite nice indeed… sorta

I wandered into Mrs Queens Takes the Train thinking I was going to be getting something campy, a bit of a romp. And to be sure, it is both of those. But what was this? By the end—was I feeling a bit sad too?

Yup, author William Kuhn manages to flesh out the Queen herself and makes her vulnerable yet proud yet vulnerable again. Oh yeah, and spunky.

She’s like that, ya know…! And least that’s what we’d like to think in this era.

But back when this takes place, several years after Diana’s death in Paris, after the vitriol that the Monarchy suffered at the hands of its people who saw only a Queen who did NOT shed a tear when the People’s Princess died? Well, the Queen has taken a few knocks. She’s seen her family splashed around in the tabloids; she’s endured a marriage to a man she’s known has strayed, all in the name of Duty.

And she doesn’t understand modern things. Like: Why have all her children divorced? Why must they seek “happiness” over anything else? Don’t they understand that life was soooo much tougher back when people were living through the Blitz? When life couldn’t be taken for granted and when to endure showed how tough and resilient you were?

And what’s all this Mr. Facebook and Miss Twitter? What’s email?

The story opens with the Queen at the end of her tether with modern technology, plus she’s brooding over the past. On a whim, she decides to drift off to see the Britannia, the Royal Yacht where she had happy memories. Soon, her staff starts to notice: She’s not around. Is she with you? No, is she with you?

Kuhn then, after eeeeons of bittersweet memories and kinda sorta morbid musings, has many of her staff grouping up to find her, make sure she’s all right, and bring her back Home, HOPEfully withOUT the tabloids getting wind of it all. Mustn’t have them thinking she’s in the throes of dementia. A cheese seller of Pakistani descent meets up with the young woman from the Mews who looks after the Queen’s horses. An older man who’s feeling some loneliness now that he’s crept up in years befriends one of the equerry, a young man with PTSD from a tour in Iraq where a good friend was killed. Two older women who initially view each other with suspicion: Who’s closer to the Queen? only to hash out what they’ll do now that they’re nearing retirement and have but a pittance to live on.

It’s awfully sweet, but I found some of the burdens these side characters had to be rather heavy going indeed. Rajiv is second generation British but isn’t at home in either his or his grandparent’s country, and he faces racism daily—goes with Rachel, the young Mews woman who feels sexually violated from a reeeeeally bad encounter and who doesn’t trust men. William deals with his best friend Shirley being unable to accept him as gay—goes with Luke who doesn’t understand that his love for his dead friend may’ve been more than friendship, and that maaaaaybe he did NOT let his friend down by not going on the fatal drive with him. Anne is growing old, getting crippled—goes with Shirley, after generations of faithful service to the Crown, is finding herself older, on the shelf, without much of a future.

This goes with yeeeeears of the Queen’s exhaustion from always having people asking for just an extra 30 mins. here, maybe a dozen or four more hands to shake, and here’s just one more plaque we need you to dedicate. All while the Public goes through its ins and outs of feelings for the Royal Family and for the Queen.

So while it is ultimately sweet, if a bit far-fetched (Yes, it’s aDORable to think of the Queen in a hoodie, or the Queen serving breakfast to her staff, but…), it is kinda sad too. Lemme put it this way: It was heavier than I expected. There.

Now onto m’ man, Simon Prebble! AWEsome performance. I only wanted to throttle Rachel a few times, but that had to do with the writing rather than with how she was portrayed by the brilliant Mr. Prebble. I’m astonished anew every time I listen to one of his audiobooks as I find he’s capable of narrating ANYTHING (Altho’ I dooooo wonder about the Steamy Regency Romance…? I mean, whazzaaa?!?). Whether he’s narrating about the hard-bitten woes of Ernest Shackleton or he’s taking us on a bitter and sad yet soooo emotionally reserved journey with a Butler, I find that I’ll always be carried off somewhere that is NOT this chair that I’m sitting on, listening with my iPhone held next to me. I always forget who I am when he’s doing the honors. There again. I don’t think I can say anything more about how extraordinary he is.

It’s just that he had the unevenness of text to work with here, so I don’t ding him for that.

Was expecting more; finally got the sweet at the end, tho, so…?

> PHEW!!! <